I have BRAIN FEVER

…Sort of. I dreamed that I had a brain fever, and that I needed a MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) test, as well as a CAT (Computed Axial Tomography) to figure out what was going on, also, because the doctor reasoned that I must have some brain lesions because of my symptoms. I woke up rather perturbed and boggled.

So, this week, I’ve had at least one dizzy spell per day, along with increasing aphasia. Well, self-diagnosed aphasia. I’ve been struggling to find the right word to use in every-day speech. I’ve also been switching words. …And there’s another dizzy spell. They’re getting sort of annoying. They really have neither rhyme nor reason. I can be standing, sitting, walking, or leaning against a wall. I’ve even had one while driving. They’re not related to my sugar, since I can have them before I eat, as well as during a meal or snack, or even an hour after eating. I’ve tested, and they seem to be within normal range, or within a “borderline” range. No result so completely outrageous as to suggest that it was related directly to my diabetes either. I’ve had my blood pressure checked directly after one of the dizzy spells, and it’s always within the normal range. I input my range of symptoms into my WebMD app, and the results were either frighteningly normal (labyrinthitis) or outright frightening (dementia onset). I’ve stopped doing research into my symptoms. It’s a little less scary in my world that way. The one that is the most likely is Stress; That great demon of humanity. Well. Here’s hoping anyway.

Thoughts

It upsets me, in my fragile state of mind, to see kids crying, especially the younger children. I have a visceral reaction to comfort the child. My mommy sense kicks in, and my arms ache to comfort and soothe. Whether the kid is angry, sad, frustrated or any of those other intense emotions, I need to figure out why he or she is upset, and I need to fix it. It's very hard to just stand back, and let the "professionals" handle it.

I see them being so upset, and unable to communicate why they're upset, especially to an adult that's more interested in getting them quiet, in order to not disturb the other children. It hurts my spirit, my soul. That little person needs understanding and love. They need to know that it's okay to have those intense emotions. They need to know that it's okay to express them, they need to be taught HOW to express them in a positive way. The adults caring for those children need to love them, to adore and cherish them. I'm not entirely sure that some of the adults here, remember what it's like to be a kid. What it's like to be unable to express, or even identify what's upsetting them. I remember.

The way they're being taught, is to repress those emotions. That's just not healthy. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a "proper" teacher.

FIRST!